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Had some trouble these week – but I got one page fleshed out. All images posted here – but a little easier to view scrolling though on my blog sight.
http://scotlandbarnes.blogspot.com/2014/10/masao-kume-samurai-tale-1st-pass.html
Great shot variety! Good crisp drawings and really clear too, keep it up!
I called out a few things above.
Overall nice job, but you are drawing TOO much. These should be thumbnails. The actually drawings should be absent of any details such as cloth or shading etc. practice an ultra light shorthand to be able to knock out drawings in seconds. These panels still look too complete to be thumbs. An outline shape is good enough. No need to add armor details etc. The idea is to break down the shots into its compositional elements to see if things cut well.
There are some nice ideas but the scene plays way too conservative. I want to see you push the camera angles and staging. You may be going for a regal majestic type of even composition, but it is not graphic enough to sell that for me. My suspicion is this is your default camera angles and I don’t get enough pizazz from the shots.
how about tracking the camera with the character as they spar in the beginning? This would create some cool action and keep the scene alive from just being simple shots with a stageplay in front of the camera. Use the camera for all its worth and give the audience a visual experience they will never forget. This is another reason to not rely on your drawings to sell the shots. use the thumbnail pass to experiment with different approaches until you decide on the best one.
The storytelling works well. nice intro to Bukha.
The finish pass can have cleaner drawings with tones. See if you can finish up the second half as well. Keep going!
I think it would be nice if you tilted the horizon lines from one angle to the next. Think about what each horizon looks like in each shot without any characters in them and see if the shift in your mind. Your drawings are soooo clear!
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