September 17, 2014 at 6:19 PM #7158
Hi everyone. I wanted to put my thinking process out here for critique as opposed to just waiting until it’s all done and due on Friday. My story is about the girl that gets picked last at dodgeball. I haven’t decided on all of my shots and beats, but know I’m going to exceed my number of shots. I hope that’s a good thing. These are 1.5″ x 1″ thumbnails in my sketchbook then “traced” in Photoshop.
*These shots are not all in order. The feedback I received was to stop shading and concentrate on the form. I feel it has helped a lot.September 17, 2014 at 10:26 PM #7163
awesome! are they playing dodge ball on a ship?! you better use that in your story. lots of cool shot opportunities.
take a good look at your horizon lines in your shots. they mostly seem to cut the shot in the middle of the frame, which means your probably not taking advantage enough of cutting from a hi angle shot to a low angle shot.
keep it up thoughSeptember 19, 2014 at 11:50 PM #7183September 20, 2014 at 3:51 AM #7195
Haha This is crazy, but I like it.
Good shot choices too. Not quite sure what is going on at the end, but for some reason it kinda works. 😀September 20, 2014 at 8:32 AM #7230
yes perspective grids!! dont go crazy with tones or color. simpler the better. worry more about your staging and camera work than a pretty drawing.
ill go over this in with drawings shortly.September 20, 2014 at 11:51 AM #7233
Hey Mark, I like what you’ve got overall, I like that you went a completely different route than I think almost all of us. I’ll try to point out a few things that I noticed though, hopefully it’ll be helpful! I guess I’ll go in the order of the boards…
1- This is being really nitpicky, but it still stood out to me… when that guy on the ship floor throws the ball at captain-hook-guy, you used several boards to show the ball in the air, but you don’t need that many panels, especially since a couple of them are almost in the same position. As with animation, the more drawings you do, the slower it looks, and less drawings makes it faster. So the same principle applies here, you probably only needed one panel of the ball in the air, and maybe one before it without the ball in the panel at all. Same thing with one of the next shots, where the guy is trying to run away from the ball, the panels are too similar and you could probably cut a couple out.
2- That shot where the ball is being thrown at captain-hook-guy, it’s kind of weird how it goes to a front shot, to a profile/rear shot, to a front shot, to a down shot. Maybe less cuts, particularly when it goes to a downshot? Or maybe make the downshot more dramatic to show the guy on the ground running (for anticipation), and the ball huge in the frame? Just an idea.
3- That same shot where captain-hook-guy pulls the ball out of nowhere/behind his back is pretty funny, I got a laugh out of that. I’m a fan of old-school humor.
4- That two-shot confused me at first, I didn’t realize there was a lapse of time, (the captain-hook guy would’ve have to had gotten down from the mast, and this other guy showed up from nowhere), and I wasn’t sure at first if those were different characters, or that was still the captain-hook guy or what until I saw his hook. I guess if there was a fade/transition it’d make more sense though.
5- That last part, where the guy is pointing up, I’m confused about… what is he pointing up to? Is he supposed to be pointing to the water, to where the octopus eventually comes from? If so you might want to fix it so it doesn’t look like he’s pointing up, and possibly throw in a POV shot.
Anyway, I hope this helps… I just totally picked apart your board! I only do it because I know stuff like this is really helpful, whether you agree with the critique or not, since it’s always nice to have a second perspective. But I’m pretty sure you understand this since you gave me a good critique too!September 20, 2014 at 4:23 PM #7252
It’s unclear, but after the pirate atop the mast gets hits the game is over then they start picking teams again. THEN after all the good people are selected, the pirate is left to pick the guy mopping. Instead he picks an octopus who rises out of the sea and has 100 dodgeballs on every suction cup
Thanks, I learned a lot with this exercise and am gradually cleaning up my drawing style to communicate the story more effectively.
1- yea, I totally used too many boards and made it appear slower than I intended. I’ll be more mindful of that and will use that in my redo. With the guy running away. I wanted to show him doing a bicycle kick, but it just reads as a long run away. Perhaps I’ll do a closer shot of him kicking it back.
2- I agree and admittedly lost my camera and sense of direction. My perspective is off and probably going the wrong direction. I strived to find interesting angles, but rendered them really poorly.
3- Thanks! I love how his facial expression changes.
4- How would I show that time lapse add a “New Game!” panel?
5- I should have gestured his hand more like this and it would have been a better reveal.
You’re right, how could he be pointing up if the octopus hasn’t risen yet.September 20, 2014 at 9:53 PM #7261
Hey Mark, here to after taking a look give my 2cents.
-I feel the 1st panel is unnecessary since you’re establishing the scene with the 2nd panel.
-Between Row 2 & 3, there could probably be some more closeup (closer-mid)shots of the protagonists since it isn’t until the games over do we see a closer shot of the protagonist.
-Row 5: Some comicbook effect/lines (like the ones Sergio mentioned) could help with the pirate whipping out the ball. Following that he could just throw the ball in that same shot instead of switching to a different angle.
-Row 7: The bicycle kick was lost on me since he was so far away, I thought you were going for a false “protagonist loses” moment, in that we think he’s hit, but he actually returned the ball at the last moment.
-Between Row 8 & 9: After the pirate is hit, don’t be afraid to use a panel of Text do tell us that Game 1 is over and Game 2 Begins with a Team Reselection.
-Row 9 & 10: For the Team Select, you could throw in some midshots of the players, especially to call attention to the janitor
I didn’t catch it until Kacee mentioned it, but yeah, the octopus (who IS the girl! I was curious where she was at!) isn’t even on screen yet, so he wouldn’t be able to point to her otherwise. I guess you just cut straight to the last panel after he points, but you’d have to reposition the two guys on the deck to avoid any staging conflicts.
As a whole it took me a while to understand why the action was before the team select, but that aside, I do agree with Sergio regarding the Horizon lines (and that Tone&color isn’t needed, your cleanup is clear enough). A quick solution would be to change up where the horizon lines are situated with each scene-change to distinguish a scene from the preceding one. Also, with a lower horizon line, you could have your characters stand out more since they are acting over the ground/perspective line.
Have a look at this nifty Brad Bird Tips& Tricks/Revision of King of the Hill Boards
http://www.animationmeat.com/pdf/televisionanimation/brad_bird_on_comps.pdfSeptember 26, 2014 at 3:43 AM #7291
i meant to get to this earlier but here are some comments from me:
-Like many above have said, nice drawings and shot choices. the images are clear. That said, I want to question some of the choices though. Think hard about why you chose an angle and what that represents. A wide shot, although descriptive, may not be the most interesting angle to show off something as awesome as a sea monster. think of all the opportunites to shot the monster from up near the sails with ropes in the FG etc.
– you are flopping screen direction. When you establish a direction even as simple as one character facing more towards screen right instead of screen left, you have effectively established the screen direction, so stick with it. If you characters are on the right, keep them on screen right throughout the whole scene unless we see a few important things happen:
1) you see the characters move across the screen
2) the camera moves and places the characters on the opposite side of the screen
3) both character and camera movement
Otherwise dont flop the screen direction.
I agree with some comments that your establishing shots are not working well. you do it twice for some reason and worse yet, I’m still confused as to the character placement. One way to do this is start on a wide shot, then closer to a medium to show who the characters are. Then cut to more business, but we now have established character placements on screen. I didnt understand until later that the hook guy was up near the sail which confused things.
All this is hard to keep track of, don’t sweat it too much what I describe above is the easy stuff. you can pick it up in no time. The good thing is your drawings are improving and your are thinking more about interesting setups and creative scenes.
Love the setting on a ship. Think about how you can use the motion of the sea to make interesting tilted camera angles.
Nice work, keep going!
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